Life As An American
We yell for the Government to balance
the budget, then take the last
dime we have to make the down payment on a car that will take 5 years
to pay off.
We demand speed laws that will stop fast driving,
then won't buy a
car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.
We know the line-up of every baseball team in the
American and
National Leagues but mumble through half the words in the
"Star Spangled Banner".
We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to
make us live
longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for
lost time.
We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old
son run wild.
We whip any enemy in battle, then give them the
shirt off our backs.
We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town
where we can
make more money so we can move back to the farm.
We run from morning to night trying to keep our
"earning power" up
with our "yearning power."
We get upset we're spending over a billion dollars
for education, but
spend three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or
fishing, but when we
are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.
We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian
nation on earth, but
we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.
We have more experts on marriage than any other
country in the world
and still have more divorces.
We're the country that has more food to eat than any
other country in
the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
ONLY IN AMERICA
...A pizza can get to your house
faster than an ambulance...
...There are handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink...
...We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...
...We use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in
the first place...
...We buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight...
...We use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in
the first place.
...We use the word "politics" to
describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and
"tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures".
Dakota tribal wisdom says
When you discover you are riding a dead horse,
the best strategy is to dismount.
However, in government they often try other strategies
with dead horses, including the following;
1. Buying a bigger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Appointing a team to revive the dead horse.
6. Creating a training session to increase our riding
ability.
7. Pass legislation declaring that "This horse is not dead."
8. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
9 Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
10. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to
beat."
11. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
12. Form a quality committee to find uses for dead horses.
13. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
14. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.
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